What a difference a year makes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

‘What a difference a year makes’ Most people using that quote, Blog, refer to past events like l might comment that a year ago everyone was sweating in the strange unseasonable hot March weather we were experiencing in this country and I was unable to trudge because I was in agony with a bad back; the back being so bad that I could hardly move that I had to sleep for a couple of months downstairs in a chair. Every time I tried to lay flat on my back I screamed out in pain  … and then would be unable to get up off the floor. What a difference a year makes. The weather is freezing again this morning with snow, as I write to you Blog, blanketing down. Blog I kid you not. And my trudging is unbelievably of the highest quality???

‘What a difference a year makes’. Up until two days ago, I had meticulously planned my summer holidays in God’s Own County, booking up a little cottage on the Dales and carefully planning which road side layby I would use to watch the Peloton of the Tour de France flash by on the Bradford Stage One, and the Leeds Stage Two. Careful planning for maximum enjoyment. Careful planning for a pleasant place to Bar-b-q in the convivial company of like-minded people while taking in the breathtaking scenery waiting for the Tour to arrive.

‘What a difference a year makes’. Two days ago, a friend told me that the Tour takes place in England in 2014 and NOT 2013. Blog, I was totally shattered. All the effort. All the planning    ……….. Blog, do you know anyone who wants to hire a little cottage in the Dales in July? And it comes with the recommendation of some pleasant laybys nearby, at no extra cost.

                                 Colin

P.S. Spent yesterday evening doing a session of repitions in one of my ‘lighted’ grass stretches where interval work can be done because of the illumination of the street lighting; there are plenty of convenient areas like this around so I cannot for the like of me understand why athletes have to train in the winter months on a hard unforgiving track and worse, an even harder unforgiving road. Bit of lateral thinking needed from the coaches??? And I still haven’t seen the blessed comet. No comet – no comment.   

Inter Counties Cross Country Championship results at Cofton Park Birminham, Saturday 9th March 2013s

Bye heck, sum folk have nowt much abart em wen you thinkson, Blog.

Two weeks ago were t’National Championships at Sunderland, an a lass free our club went owt fast an t’were int lead by seven odd seconds after abart 800 yards (am told thats abart 800 metres fer thee Blog?) an fair doos, she eld on, an kem int ferst ten attend o’race. But she mun ad done better wi usin a bit o’nowse.

On Satdi, it t’were t’Inter Counties in Birmingham at t’Park near weir the med cars, ant sem lass free our club went owt fast an t’were int lead by nine odd seconds after abart 800 yards (am told thats abart 800 metres fer thee Blog?) an fair doos, she held on an kem int ferst twenty attend o’race. But she mun ad done a lot better wi usin a bit o’nowse, given that shed nobbut done t’sem start thing two weks afour.

 So she chucks a medal an a vest down t’oil in fifteen days. Nobbut a bloke wi a armful of badges cud advise sumon to do that. Tecs talent likeus I allus sed. Wi all them as badges, he mun know wot he’s upto like. I know nowt abart it sos al gob up.

                                                      Colin

Pressure. Under Pressure.

Photograph Quiz:

Photo no. 139:- Not seen one of these trophies before, then along comes two, in my interviews for ‘The History of Coventry Godiva Harriers and Other Clubs in the City’ in the space of three weeks recently. What was the relay event??

              As part of my superior position in local society, I recently attended a Charity Auction where people with more quids than they know what to do with, place excessive bids for items they do not really want but feel obliged to participate in the excitement because of peer pressure (see below on pressure!!). No I don’t know why I was invited either Blog!! I don’t know if you have ever been to an auction Blog, but I used to go fairly often to pick up odds and ends for work. We were desperately short of cash at school, and when I took over the department, I had the problem of dragging it into the modern era … part of this remit involved the need to provide accessible storage for staff and pupils (sorry, ‘students’ in the modern idiot, or ‘educational customers’ if you are really political with a capital ‘P’ Blog). So I needed cabinets, viz filing 4-drawer type. For some reason which I cannot recall, I knew the auctioneer, either I taught his daughter or she came down the running club or she used to run in the Coventry Schools Races with which I used to help … anyway, I used to go to the sales rooms. If I needed stuff for work, the viewing was on a Saturday morning, and on one occasion, while doing the walk around viewing business, my dear wife and I spotted a rather nice oak dresser. Not for school mind, but for us. We discussed at some length what we could afford and decided that £350 was absolute tops and that would push our financial bounds somewhat .. remember that this was thirty or forty years ago and quids were tight!! The auction ran at a speed of 100 lots per hour. Because I was in for a bit of shelving for the stock room at work, I opted out of work midmorning on the day of the sale because I had a free lesson. It would also get me to the saleroom in time to bid on the dresser. “I have two five”, the bidding for the dresser had already started as I entered the auction room .. late but not too late. “Three” came and then a pause. “I have three” said the auctioneer any more interest?” A pause. “No interest?” “I have three once”. Oh well still inside our limit, “Three five” goes I wondering what the new terminology was all about. It was usually, two, two fifty, three, three fifty etc. oh well what the heck. The auctioneer gave me a strange glance; a sort of ‘what are you up to’ glance, or a ‘are you off your trolley’ type of glance. “I have three five, do I hear four” “Four”. Now  four hundred and fifty quids was way more than we could possibly afford but anyway it is so easy to get carried away in the bidding excitement with the adrenalin flowing full pelt, and my dear wife and I did really like the dresser; it was rather splendid. I gave my nod. “Four fifty I have”. Committed was I! “Have I five” And the room went active. Bidders were all over the room. “Five”. Well that’s me definitely out. “Six”. “Six fifty”. “Seven”. “Seven fifty”. “Eight”. Eight fifty”. And stop. “I have eight fifty once”. “I have eight fifty twice”. “I have eight fifty three times. Gone to George. Eight thousand five hundred pounds for the oak dresser.” Hey, hang on a minute, where did this thousand business come from???????? Thousand quids????????? No wonder the auctioneer gave me the funny look stares at four fifty; I was on four fifty quids matey, while you were on four thousand five hundred quids – no wonder you gave me the stare. That zero was important. Not a lot but a lot. Like bloody hell what have I nearly done important. If I had known what he was on about, I would be staring at my definitely brown trousers. Boy, Blog, was I lucky to lose that auction. God only knows what would have happened if I had been the successful bidder. Teach me to be late for an auction! I did have a laugh at my expense when I had a chat with the auctioneer the following week and I explained what all my bidding had been about. A few months later I occasion to attend a rather grand function at the Guild of Freemens’ Hall in Coventry. A posh DO. ……….. and there in the hallway, groaning under the weight of the Guilds silver ware was my dresser. MY DRESSER. My eight thousand five hundred quid dresser which was slightly less than I had paid for my three bedroom detached house in a rather desirable part of Coventry about twelve months earlier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now Blog, that was scary, with a capital ‘S’ and a capital ‘BU’ for brown underwear. I would have been nervous if I had known. Very nervous. If I had known, the pressure would have been really on me trying to figure out how we could possibly afford to pay for it. That is pressure. REAL pressure. Life changing pressure. I read in the press and see interviews on the television set where athletes talk about the pressure of their competition. Perhaps they feel pressured to say that they were under pressure. Pressure??? Get off!! At their level, the concept of pressure is blown out of all reality. Firstly, that so called pressure is self-imaginary because in most cases no one else gives a toss. At club level athletes talk about pressure which is even more self-delusionary because in 99.99999% of cases there is not the remotest chance of the athlete winning some Mickey Mouse race. And for both scenarios, surely the indictment must be that their coaches have not done their job efficiently. Athletes should be taught that the nervous excitement of competition is what the sport is all about. They should be taught to cope and taught that everyone feels the same at the start of a run, jump or throw’s contest. But far more importantly, they should be taught at an early age to enjoy the sensation of pressure, to enjoy the feeling of dread before competition. After all, the excitement, the anticipation, the expectation and every other synonym is what athletic life is all about. From my observation, UK don’t appear to offer a badge in ‘Pressure and How to Enjoy’. I could be wrong???

                                                  Colin

COMET

Photograph Quiz:

Photo no. 138:-  Ok, oK, Ok Blog stop knit pickin .. it’s a cartoon. Name a club near you with a committee like this????

             So Blog, have you seen this here comet yet that is supposed to be visible low in the west all month? I trudged on Tuesday, purposely to see it, as it was such a dark clear night …nutting! Not a ting. I will organise my trudging westerly for the next couple of weeks if the night is fine and clear so that I might catch a glimpse. Interesting that the scientists, by tracking the path of the comet claim that they can determine from whence it came and how long the journey took … now my sums suggest that with the changing celestial activity, a star coming here or a super nova going there, a black hole or two hovering all around, I cannot understand how past conditions / events can be recreated to facilitate such a claim. Just a bit of gravitational pull exerted on the comet since gravity’s invention in 1687 must have an incalculable influence? (Did you know that an apple conk is so called because that is the part of Newton’s anatomy on which the apple fell? Bit off putting if the apple had fallen on some other bit of Newton …. ??? Do you eat your apple conk Blog? I reckon it’s the best and tastiest part of the fruit, no jokularing.) It was nice getting the old spikes on again, doing a few reps as of yore … and of course, I lost count as per usual.

              TRAINING TIP => When interval training on the track, I used to wear gloves with the specific aim of moving a finger out of its sleeve after each effort to facilitate accurate tracking of the number of effort repetitions completed, and when I had two fists inside the gloves after ten efforts, I reversed the process by inserting a finger back into its sleeve following every effort. Counting was easi-peasey. Wearing gloves in summer you ask Blog? I refer you to the photograph of the finish of the Polytechnic Marathon in 1974 and ask you to ask where did Usami and his two Japanese mates get the glove idea from???? And suddenly everyone was wearing gloves in those days of yesteryear. BUT. Most runners entirely missed the point of wearing gloves on a hot day. It was the Japanese equivalent of Jimmy Alder carrying a sponge mile upon mile … the gloves were soaking wet and used for cooling purposes …. Not a lot of athletes knew that Blog!! And not many do now, Blog!!

So we have    warm up 2 miles then 10 times (steep hill 250 yards + 150 very steep) concentrate on knee lifting - grass ..Tues

                       5 mile road trudge  - Wed

                       Window sitting – Thurs

           Window sitting you ask Blog? Yes it was D-Day again. Suite Delivery Day again but this time it flew in through the bathroom* window having removed the same the day before!!! And with no window I had to sleep downstairs on the carpet in case of burglary. Blog, I kid you not.   … the staff refused to do it without being paid double time. I was a little upset at their attitude. I am afraid I told the cook what to do with her puff pastry, and I told the butler that it was about time he learned to butle down to some serious butlering. If it stops raining tomorrow I’ll get the window fitted and will be able to sleep in bed again. Fingers crossed please Blog. Oh yes …an update on Arkana tomorrow as well ………

          It has just been announced on the television news that Daw Mill Colliery just up the road from the Manse is to close with the loss of hundreds of jobs. Trudged past there not long ago. It has been rumored for some time that the mine was having difficulties, like many of the old pits around Warwickshire, the geology was not good. The mine was running into financial losses according to some sources. But it was a coal face fire that caused the premature closure. In God’s Own County, when a woolen mill was having financial difficulties, the rumors spread like wild fire amongst the workers and it was usually a fire which destroyed the mill.

                                                                Colin

Ref * for bathroom read living room, sounded better, Blog?

A 2013 London Marathon place up for grabs.

Photograph Quiz:

Photo no. 137:- All the information about the medal is in the photograph, but when was the National Cross Country Championships first held at Leamington, and what was the problem that caused fighting to break out? And in a race at Leamington this season, the same problem occurred although the outcome was much more civilised – explain!!!!

Dear Blog,

           You might be interested to know that the club ballot for the single club place in the London Marathon has just taken place, but the Club Chairman will not tell which of the three club runners has been successful until the Club Dinner and Awards night in two weeks’ time. Of course the three athletes are a bit upset because they want to get on with their preparations. You probably know the three runners Blog, they are club stalwart Martin Gardner, that two faced Monty Hall and ‘flash your eye lashes’ Marylin vos Savant, the latter being a German mathematics exchange student at Warwick University. I have been talking to a couple of them separately because for some reason they each thought I had the ear of the Chairman and I knew which one was successful in the draw! It appears from what was said over my coffee tete a tetes with them, Martin confided to me that he actually went to see the Chairman in an attempt to find out if he had the London Marathon place. Martin begged the Chairman to at least tell him the name of one of the other two who hadn’t got a place so that he might know whether it was worth him starting his special training for the marathon event straight away rather than dithering around for a couple of weeks, not knowing what  schedule to adopt for the fourth-coming season. Apparently what he said to the Chairman was “If Monty has got the place, give me Marylin’s name. If Marylin has been successful in the ballot, give me Monty’s name. And if I have got the club place, flip a coin to decide whether to name Monty or Marylin.” The sheer nerve of the man!! From the way our conversation went, the Chairman told Martin that Monty had not been successful and had not got a club place. Martin was tickled pink because he believed that the chances of getting that coveted place in London had increased from one in three to fifty fifty, as the place was now between him and Marylin. Martin also told me in confidence that he had secretly told Marylin the news, who herself was happy because she thought that Martin’s chances were still one in three (but she didn’t tell him her thoughts, she said to me later over a couple of eye lashes, because she calculated that her chances had risen to two in three!!!!).

   Now Blog, clearly none of them did sums at the Pink Panther University like as what I did, so who will be pleased at the Godiva Club Dinner to find that they have got that London Marathon place?

                                                                    Colin

......I, Digging a hole, Hole in the ground, .....

Dear Blog,

                Welcome to my crazy world. Am I alone in this world, I ask myself? Am I the only one who doesn’t make sense? If I scream will the local council do something, come to my aid? – one thing is certain, they will only do half a job. This morning bright and breezy, I am off for a trudge up the hill and over the dale so to speak. Leaving the estate by the tradesman’s entrance, two jobsworths sharing a can of red spray were finding holes in the road to spray the red paint around. This according to licky weeks is a prerequisite for the council to dispatch a tar lorry to fill in the holes with which had red paint sprayed around. Now here is a tale … look back at previous correspondence between the two of us Blog and you will find several rants from me about the council making two jobsworth walk round the Coventry Half Marathon course (held annually in October) finding holes which may or may not offer a health and safety hazard to all the Coventry Half Marathon joggers and then red can spray any holes they find. Last October for example, they sprayed a small hole at the bottom of my estate driveway where it meets the Lane; a small hole but insignificant in the scales of holes. Anyways, this hole was sprayed but tar lorry never managed to reach the hole in the Lane at the junction of the Estate driveway and the Lane, ran short of tar no doubt. Anyway, as I related in a subsequent letter to you, the hole grew and grew and grew. Now it is a mega hole with related holes at the nearby drain, and in two in the middle of the Lane with fourteen more within fifty yards (forty eight metres to you Blog) of my gate as well as a most dangerous landslip from the road into the ditch, which is hidden  by bushes from the oncoming traffic. (a Mega recipe for a serious disaster. Make a note of the date Blog, I bet you many quids that within six months a car will be in the ditch and I will give my winnings to the charity for disable children, Tiny Tims Children’s Centre). Of all these holes, a mere six, SIX!!! have been red spray painted as I observed on my return from the trudge. Am I alone in this world? Am I the only one who doesn’t make sense? If I scream will the local council do something???? The holes they have not painted are so bad that within two months they will pose a serious danger to joggers and traffic ….. surely it would be far more financial efficient to mend all the holes NOW…?

         I heard on the News report on the radio yesterday the Phil Ham On, the Defensible Secretary in that nice Mr Cameroooons cabinet, that money should be taken from the Welfare Department in the up and coming Budget and given to the Military!!!! My family always gather for a Sunday meal in the evening at the Manse, so after yesterday’s meal I had a word with my seven year old disabled grandson to find out what he thought about the proposal. He said that with the country’s fiscal deficit being so bad and the failure of quantative easing he thought it only fair that I put his wheelchair up for sale in the small ads of the local paper and give the proceeds to Phillep Ammonition for a few wreaths for the families of soldiers killed fighting for some worthless cause in some far off part of the globe. He said he didn’t might not being able to get about ever again if it saved Mr Hammond's job in the next government reshuffle. Bless.

          In my last letter to you Blog, I mentioned that we called in at God’s Own County to see my sister on the way back home to Coventry from Sunderland where the National Cross Country Championships were held. We stayed with her and my brother-in–law overnight. My sister has a rather quaint heavy metal door stop to the kitchen door. My daughter stubbed her toe rather badly on said door stop and feared that she had broken her toe. The doctor advised that she strapped the damaged toe with Elastoplast to another toe as nothing else could be done if she wanted to continue with her running. Since seeing the doctor, every time she tries to run she falls over. Every single time, over she goes, a*** over t**. The doctor should have taken the time to tell her that the toes to be bound together should be on the same foot!!

                                            Colin

Arkana:- You are so suite Blog

   This Blog you will never believe. No way, not now, not ever. Stranger than fiction … if you saw it on the box you would switch off as it being preposterous!! But do read on Blog if you have nothing better to do, after all, would I lie to you Blog? ….

   My good wife and I have been in wedded bliss for more years than you have had custard puddings. Anyways, for some reason known only to her, she decides that she would like a new three piece suite. Now I am not saying she is greedy or wastes money, but she did have a brand new one when we got married. I told her that I did not think it was a particularly good idea but she was adamant and the ants. I told her that I thought our suite had another good twenty years of service still left in it if we only sat on it at weekends and when we had visitors and as we do not have visitors, read twenty five years of service instead of twenty years of service. Then my wife of many years went NUTS. BANANAS. Shouting and carrying on. She said “That’s it. Its either a new suite or I am going to leave you for good.” Now I tell you Blog I was worried, really worried with a capital ‘W’. I have had to make some really hard decisions in my life but this was one of the most difficult. I was on the horns of a dilemma. A new suite or she leaves me for good. The big question Blog, is - can I trust her to keep her word???

        Now I have always been one for a quiet life but after three days of not talking to each other because she wanted a new three piece suite and I already had one, the total silence was becoming unnerving even for me. So she buys a three piece suite although I told her I still thought it was a mistake as the sales representative in the furniture section of the Cooperative Department Store busied himself thinking what he would do with the mega commission he had just earned himself. When I told him that I thought the idea of buying a new suite so soon after we were married was a bad idea, he just smiled and carried on looking through his holiday brochures.

     Anyways yesterday was D Day – Delivery Day. And sure enough, just as my dear wife of many years was ladling the caviar into my bowl with my bacon and black pudding, the three piece suite men arrived.

      No way through the servants quarters nor the kitchen door could the sofa be carried they concluded after a cursory inspection, so it had to be through the front door of the Manse. So they try and they try and they fail miserably and they complain that they still have ten more deliveries to make and they haven’t had time for a lunch for ten years. Tough Titty. And I knew it was a mistake, this suite business. I take the front door of the Manse off and they try and they try and they wedge the sofa firmly in the hallway. Blog I kid you not. And they complain that they still have ten more deliveries to make and they haven’t had time for a lunch for ten years. Even tougher Titty. And I knew it was a big mistake this new suite business. They try to take the sofa through the lounge door and they try and they try and they fail miserably. And I take off the lounge door and they complain that they still have ten more deliveries to make and they haven’t had time for a lunch for ten years. Tough Titty squared mate. And I knew it was a bad idea this new suite business. They try to withdraw the sofa from the lounge door space and get it firmly wedged and they scratch the wood work on the sofa and they take the paintwork off the door frame which does not have a door attached. And they complain that they still have ten more deliveries to make and they haven’t had time for a lunch for ten years. Titty, titty titty mate! What about my paintwork? And I knew it was a really bad idea this suite business. It is now nearly time for my tea and my caviar soup has got cold, my bacon is no longer crisp and my black pudding has stopped bleeding. And they get the sofa out of the hallway finally and they load up the sofa and the two chairs which have been sitting in the lane for the last couple of hours and I certainly knew it was a bad idea, this suite business. And as they drove off down the Lane they still had ten deliveries to make and they had missed lunch again. Bugger.

     I phoned the Furniture Section of the Cooperative Department Store to find a solution to my dilemma. Yea, I am about to put a brand new replacement window in my lounge next Wednesday and yea, the sofa would fit through the hole ….. And I know that is a good idea. Now the thing is because the suite was arriving yesterday, I had dismantled our old three seater sofa and two chairs to make room for the arrival of the new replacements and stacked the sections in one of the garden sheds, the one down by the orchard; another sign of my generosity to my wife of so many years. Bought when we were first married it cost mega quids. The things were constructed by Arkana, which at the moment, is the top of the retro collectors lists; mainly because the company is something of a mystery!!! Blog I kid you not. The sofa and two chairs all were built using a single ‘allen’ key, the frame being high quality chrome and the seating high quality leather. Now with a week until I take out the window for the refurbished renovated brand new suite to arrive, my dear wife of many years has moaned and moaned until I rebuilt a couple of chairs for us to sit on

                        Colin

So Blog, a slightly different take …………………

Photograph Quiz:

and in bits ….

Photo no. 133: A chance for you to support Tiny Tim’s Children’s Centre, Blog. I am selling my old suite for a ten quids at least, whatever I get goes to the Children’s Charity for disable children. The suite can be a three seater sofa and two chairs,     or a four seater sofa and one chair     or a five seater sofa      or four chairs … and the whole lot will fit into your car Blog. A quality flat pack, none of your Ikea nonsense. As I wrote above, it was like dead posh when new and cost very very many quids. Get in touch Blog, no messing. Chrome and leather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  

P.S. Thanks again …. The bright green cones on the motorway you tell me, is to denote the entrance and the exit for the works traffic onto their works section of the hard shoulder … well you live and learn Blog.