It shouldn’t happen to a Vet!

Whato Blogsie,

In our first little tête à tête, I mentioned that you could guess my finishing time on the payment of the princely sum of £1 for the two charities for disabled children, Tiny Tims and Newlife; and I mentioned that Did Not Start (dns)  was not an option available for your little wager. ‘How Holmes’, you might ask ‘might this be?’ A very perceptive question Jeeves; allow one to offer up an explanation. Quite simple. If I don’t participate, my lookalike will, as has happened in the past! As fanciful as you might feel this scenario might be, the facts speak for themselves and can be checked at your leisure in the relevant copy of that august publication, ‘Athletics Weekly’. You may not be able to reconcile yourself to a parallel universe, as I myself did not until the following event unfolded.

In 2001 I was unable to run in the London Marathon of that year because I had sustained an injury which had curtailed the quantity and quality of my training. I wisely carried my entry over into the following year’s race. Unfortunately, I had the misfortune to again be the recipient of an athletic injury. A couple of days before the actual race, a friend asked me if I was competing; I told him that I would not be running because of my foot problem. The following week, I saw the same friend and he question why I had told him that I was not running when in fact I did; he said that he had seen my name in the results column of ‘Athletics Weekly’. My time was 4:23.53 for 17924^th place!! Sure enough, on checking in the official results, it was there in black and white, so it must be have been true.

Colin Kirkham 30:10:44 v57 Coventry Godiva Harriers 4hrs 23min 53 sec. (Check yourself!)

I tried to find out from the London Marathon organisers how someone was able to use my number, without my permission but I did not receive a satisfactory answer as such an event could ‘not be possible’, despite the physical printed evidence. Somewhere I still have the official piece of paper, issued prior to the race which told me what my race number would be. I waited with eager anticipation for the official photographs to arrive to see what my doppelganger looked like. Could he possibly be as handsome and athletic as me?? Had he invested as much as me in the last 10 years in his local gentleman’s hairdressers? Did his artificial tan look artificial? Could you see his tattoos clearly? Was he wearing retro 70s kit? Sadly, the photographs never arrived but a demand for payment did - and a few weeks later, a red letter demand fell on the door mat with the threat of legal action because of the non return / non payment of said photos!!! The company did take a couple of phone calls to back off and I never did find out who had shuffled round in my place, but I thought that leaving me to pay for the photos was a bit rich!

I am hoping that I will be recording a faster time this year than my twin brother did in 2002. To show that I am not one to bear a grudge, I am trying to arrange for him to receive the bill from the photographic company for this year’s race. What do you reckon, Watson? After all, all’s fair in love, war and a 26 mile trudge? Anyway, the way my jogging is going I suggest that the photographic company use the ‘still life’ setting when photographing my progress in April.

                                                                   See you,

                                                                                     Trudger.

P.S. To raise more money for the two charities, TINY TIMS and NEWLIFE, I am trying to sort out a few odds and ends to sell on e-bay, mostly running related. DETAILS TO FOLLOW.