Dear Blog,
Can you believe it or can you believe it??? Last night one of the club coaches asked me to help him with his charges. He suggested that I give a little advice to the youngsters about running down hill. I said to him, I’m your man if they wish to know all the nuances about trudging here, there and everywhere but I am not so sure about all this technical stuff. But he insisted; was quite adamant about it. Indeed he seemed a little threatening. So I reluctantly conceded. I didn’t want to upset him too much. I didn’t want my blood spilt on the new clubhouse floor if he turned nasty.
To have asked for my expertise, he must have heard about my coaching qualification. Did you know that I was Certified, Blog? I have been certified for years.
Certificate in coaching, did you know that Blog. So if you want a few gems of tips about coaching, I’m your man.
Certificate in sports injuries, did you know that Blog. I have been certified for years. So if you want a few gems of tips about sports injuries, I’m your man.
Certificate in sports massage, did you know that Blog. I have been certified for years. So if you want a few gems of tips about sports massage, I’m your man. And I’ve got all my badges from the ABC Minors to say nothing of my scroll for gold panning from Legoland in Denmark.
So there I was, ready to pass on all these pearls of wisdom onto the little swine. Like all good speakers I had prepared a Vis Aid beforehand. To explain the muscular/tendon/skeletal interaction, I had made a muscle/ tendon /skeletal bone Vis Aid from a washing up sponge, a two pieces of shoe lace tied to each end of the washing up sponge and a piece of twig tied to the other end of the shoe laces which I had tied to both ends of the washing up sponge. I explained that the sponge represented the muscle, the shoe laces were the tendons or ligaments and the twigs were the bone where the ligaments were stuck to the bone. With hind sight I think the little lecture would have gone down even better if I had used Adidas shoe laces instead of Nike ones. I also think that the point I was making about the tendons (read shoe laces) would have been a little clearer if I had taken the shoe laces out of the shoes first. But then.
I had them run fast downhill twice, asked them about which muscles ached, showed them three exercises to stretch said muscles, advised them not to train for downhill running on hard surfaces but to train on grass, even on dark nights there are stretches of grass illuminated by street lights, using spiked shoes with screw-in spikes long enough to stop slipping, I hinted about leg speed, explained about perpendicular running to avoid back injury and I even related a true story about how a world record holder for the mile had told me of his preparation for another world mile record on a running machine. I think they were very impressed that I knew the world record holder for the mile on a running machine. I promised that whoever trained the hardest in the remainder of the session would be rewarded by having the honour of polishing my photograph, which is hung in the clubhouse. I then made my excuses and left them to their coach for the rest of the workout while I went for a few downhill trudges on a bit of grass I knew that was illuminated by street lights. I didn’t tell them where it was; I don’t want them getting in the way of my winter trudging, do I Blog?? I bet Cerutty never told Elliott where he kept his best malt. There are limits to this coaching lark, you know.
I do think they were lucky to have the benefit of my help. They must have really enjoyed my talk as I overheard one of the boys asking his friend if he thought I was O.K.; clearly his concern for me was from the mental pressure I had put on myself in preparing such an interesting little lecture. Another of the little girls must have thought I was a foreign coach because she told her friend that what I had said was all double Dutch. Bless.
Colin
P.S. After tea last night, my wife got quite irate when she could not find her washing up sponge. I did not think it quite the right time to tell her that it had become my Vis Aid. Clearly I shall have to pick my time carefully before I reveal that I had lost said sponge on my trudge back to the club house. I think I shall treat her to a brand new washing up sponge. She does deserve these little treats. What is more, I shall not deduct the cost of the sponge from her weekly shopping allowance. I think she will appreciate the thought. I do like to make these gestures to reassure her that our marriage is as fresh as when we took our vows, all those very long years ago.
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