Dear Blog,
Date line: Tuesday:- I have been given a free ticket to attend the Olympic Greeko – Romantic Wrestling. Not Free style Wrestling. Certainly not the type of wrestling that was on ITV on a Saturday afternoon at my Granny’s when I was a kid. No, here you are given value for money as three fights take place simultaneously! From one of the best seats in the house, I try to look intelligent and work out what on earth is going on. The arena is stuffed full to the rafters. 20,000 spectators seated on all four sides of the massive hall at the XL Centre. We are packed so tight that if a spectator sneezes, it triggers a Mexican Wave that circles the Hall for half an hour until it is finally dampened with the inertia of tired bodies standing up and sitting down. Under intense lighting, on the raised platform in the centre of Hall are three fight mats, each with large red and blue concentric circles, with a small circle at the centre in which the fight starts. More than one weight fights at a time; as soon as one bout finishes the next starts. Each pair of fighters is heralded into the arena lead by a flag bearing official and their national anthem, a fanfare takes place at the end of each bout as the fighters are lead out. The mats are adjacent with four massive TV screens above each mat, the commentator is yelling continuously about the proceedings of each mat, his comments come at random about which fight takes his fancy. The cacophony of sound hurts. Each fight has three rounds of two minutes with a minute between. Points seem to be given for falls, throws and / or style. ‘On Mat Two, Fukajima is attempting a kimihari.’ While the fight on Mat One has ended and someone has chucked a brick onto Mat Three and the bout has been halted. The winner of a bout is the best of three. Points scored in a bout go only towards winning that round, so a wrestler can score eight points while the victor can take the fight with three point because he has won more bouts. ‘Hookiaro has just pulled off a sensational satsumi on Mat Three.’. The fight on Mat Two has ended but the Turkish wrestler refuses to leave. If a fighter wins the first two rounds the third round is abandoned as pointless because it is impossible for the other fighter to win, already being two bouts to nil down. The brick incident on Mat Three has been sorted …. It took me half the afternoon to work out that the brick is lobbed onto the mat to indicate an objection to the referee’s points score, THAT fight grinds to a halt while the judges watch a replay on one of the banks of huge TV screens, and the commentator tries successfully to whip 50% of the crowd into a frenzy over the final outcome of the appeal, 25% are watching another bout while the other 25% could not give a toss. ‘Natajack has just avoided a Tammikoosang’ on Mat One. Mat Two has just started with a new bout as the Turkish athlete has finally conceded defeat and left the room; his head hidden under a towel while half the room boo and stamp at his departure. An impasse has been reached on the middle mat as we are 90 seconds into the final bout with one round scored each. So. To obtain a winner in the final 30 seconds, the referee has the fighter in the red swimming costume, crouch, doggie style in the small centre circle while the fighter in the blue swimming costume cuddles up to him. On a signal from the judge, the top fighter grasps the bottom fighter and tries to throw him off the Mat while the bottom fighter lies flat on his stomach and tries to squirm his way off the Mat in the dying second of the bout. If neither succeeds in their endeavour, it appears that the judges award the fight to the wrestler who has performed most stylishly during the contest? I have been given a free ticket as an Olympian, at the competition to Mentor a group of Young Volunteers who each have been given two tickets as a reward for their inspiring work during the last couple of years as part of the lead up to the Olympic Games. The problem is that I am not told how many Young Voluteers I am supposed to mentor. In the packed 22,000 crowd, I am supposed to identify them and have a chat. ‘Another whoojiwhatsit on Mat Two’ screams the commentator. The Young Volunteers are scattered randomly amongst the crowd. I am not told where they are seated nor am I told their age, whether they are boys or girls. I don’t know what they have done to deserve the reward of a couple of tickets for the Olympic Wrestling. ‘Hottiebaltie has just scored a duplex’. They don’t know it’s me they are meeting! Other Olympians doing Mentoring at other venues have had exactly the same experience! I am told the Young Volunteers have been advised to wear their Young Volunteer t-shirts so they can be identified easily by me; a dark blue Adidas t-shirt like that no one else in the jam packed crowd of 26,000 will wear an Adidas t-shirt. So I approach every young girl in an Adidas t-shirt and start to chat. Always assuming I manage to prise myself out of my seat in the half dark without sending the rest of the row tumbling onto the Mats. Oh yes Paedo. Yes m’lud, this white haired old bloke was going round the 28,000 crowd pestering young girls. Fanfares blare as another bout ends while further bricks are hurled onto one of the mats, and on another mat a huge Russian is fanned with a towel by two officials in the one minute between bouts. As the 30,000 all leave at the same time at the end of the contest. I spot Tani Grey Thompson in the concourse amongst the throng and am tempted to ask if she has also been there as a Olympian Mentor and enquire what chat up lines she had used. At least, the Young Volunteers would have been able to spot her.
Timeline Wednesday:- I try to find three needles in a haystack.
Timeline Thursday:- I plead not guilty to the charge of harassment of young children.
Timeline Friday:- It is surprising how quickly one begins to enjoy dry bread and porridge.
Colin
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