The big sleep

Photograph Quiz:

Photo no. 60?:- Why did government legislation in 1860 bring about the creation of this silk picture? Where is the track and what is so special about it? What sport now takes place on the site? What is the link between the track, the designer and Coventry Godiva Harriers? What little joke is the designer having?

So, Heavy Blog. Real Heavy.

I asked in a recent communication to you Blog, if you had seen the television trailer for a report on insomnia?? I don’t know if it has gone down the tubes as I may have missed it. Anyway. Not to fret.

Insomnia.

Insomnia for athletes. What every athlete should know about insomnia but dare not ask.

We all need eight hours sleep. Don’t we? Or do we? We are told we need eight by the experts, so if we don’t get eight => Armageddon!!!! ‘Gissa pill’.

So. All you ever wanted to know about insomnia, or sleeplessness to you and me Blog; as finely honed athletes we need to know about these things. Don’t we?

            BUT. Who am I to question the accumulated wisdom of Hippocrates and his mates??? On my oath, I don’t mean to criticise the NHS, they do a good job, but I do think we live in ‘gissa pill’ society. We seem to have reached the ludicrous stage where we are given, as a matter of course, antibiotics to cure everything from an infestation of nits to a broken leg!! Joking? ‘I can’t sleep Mr Juju man’ ‘Have a pill. Don’t worry. Make you happy’.  We have forgotten the basics, Blog. Simple cures. It can be seen from the training schedules athletes appear to follow that most people are easily duped. Most of the published schedules don’t seem to make much sense to me but they it must be good because they have appeared in an athletics magazine. And the writers have badges. And the selective bibliographical research quoted in an article reinforces the credibility of the schedules, so they must be good for you …. Look at all those fabulous sports drinks that aid your recovery. Oh sorry, Blog, I mean look at all those advertisements published by companies who sell sports drinks to aid their profits. But they do work. Don’t they? They are brilliant. All those advertisements by all those companies who sell all those sports drinks to aid all those tired athletes who can’t get all eight hours sleep before a race, confirm it. So do the company’s profits. Athletes wouldn’t drink gallons of the sports energy/ recovery drinks if they didn’t do them good. Would they? And the companies do have the research to prove it, so it must be good for them …. And so it is with sleep, or the apparent lack of it. A kind of parallel world, PARALLEL. Running schedules, need for sleep. Both are an essential requirement. The belief in both are ingrained. Never questioned. Athletes need schedules, insomniacs need pills, night follows day. Simple. Quids depend on our trust in the extensive research provided for our consumption.

Hang in there Blog.

Now. Insomnia.

Premise number one:- Humans are descended from apes. Apes are animals. Therefore humans are not far removed from animals in the great scheme of things. Serious Blog.

Premise number two and two part ‘a’:- Most animals are a potential breakfast, lunch or dinner for another animal a little higher up the predatory chain. Animals are constantly on their guard so they do not become a potential breakfast, lunch or dinner for an animal a little higher up the predatory chain.

Premise number three:- Animals get tired and need rest to recover. Rest is usually taken in the form of sleep. But nodding off for several hours of pleasant dreams does nothing to enhance the chances of survival of a tasty potential breakfast, lunch or dinner for an animal a little higher up the predatory chain. As a result, animals help their chances of survival by napping for short periods. Even when napping, they are subconsciously aware of any strange noises that might spell danger from an animal a little higher up the predatory chain that might be on the lookout for breakfast, lunch or dinner, …. or just a snack. They are on constant alert mode.

Premise number four:- If an animal is not tired, the animal does not have a nap.

Premise number five:- It is difficult to sleep if you are stressed by excitement, worried about a job loss or by a threat of being breakfast, lunch or dinner for another animal further up the food chain. It is even harder to sleep if you are worried about being worried.

Before a race it is difficult to sleep. The thought of a race causes excitement because it is just a race or because it is an important race or because the preparation for the race has not been 100%. Worry might cause sleeplessness because the outcome of a race might be important. Occasionally, after a hard training session the body does not want to relax. But usually a tired athlete can easily fall asleep.

Using premises one to five, it can be concluded that humans should not expect to sleep for several hours without being disturbed unless they have tired themselves out to the point of exhaustion. Disturbed sleep should be accepted as the norm not the exception. Get used to it. Don’t worry about it. Do wake up in the night but do not fret. Get up, have an early morning. No problem. Unfortunately, the pill producers brainwash their potential customers into using their quids to buy pills because they should sleep for long spells. They need eight hours sleep. The doctor man finds it easier to dish out another box of mother’s comforters than to tell the sleepless customer to go away and chill. The pill pushers tell the sleepless customer they should expect another box of mother’s comforters when they visit the doctor man for a chill pill. The pill pushers spend millions of quids  on television advertisements to get their message across to the sleepless customer. But the sleepless customer has been brain washed anyway. ‘Gissa pill’. GISSA PILL I SAID. And that nice Mr Cameroon gives lots of quids to his big Juju man so that the sleepless customer can have their pill and so will give that nice Mr Cameroon a great big X for being so kind.

But the athlete knows better. They should expect not to sleep before an important race. They have to learn not worry about not sleeping. All the other trudgers in the big race do not expect to sleep. Get on with it. The excitement will kick in before the race starts. No worry. The thrill of the chase. Ask a knackered Reynard if he can still run when he has a pack of hounds up his a**e. Tired he may be, but that doesn’t stop him getting a shift on. I bet a gazelle gets excited by the thrill of the chase with a lion a couple of metres behind his behind.  So a tired trudger can still trudge in a race. After all, from Premise number one:- Humans are descended from apes. Apes are animals. Therefore humans are not far removed from animals in the great scheme of things. So we must question how much sleep we need.

Perhaps the general public should learn from athletes …  Get tired and don’t fret.

A few years ago, presumably to celebrate the bicentennial of the achievement of Captain Barclay in 1808, the London Marathon Organisers decided to recreate his feat of running / walking 1000 miles in 1000 days, but I don’t think they mentioned the 1000 guineas. An advertisement was duly placed in the athletic magazines appealing for volunteers … well I wasn’t do too much was I? I thought it a good idea at the time, so I applied. Like most things I try to do, I believe in being over prepared to put me a position of strength. So that I wasn’t talking out of my a**e at the interview, I spent the month before I was called for selection, experimenting with the idea … for thirty days I ran a mile in every hour of the day for twenty four hours each day, which gave me a background of at least 24 multiplied by 30 miles, ie 700 plus miles. Now, at the viva, I got the impression that I was expected to say ‘difficult task’, ‘brilliant idea’, ‘what a gas’ or some such media type pandering. But I don’t pander, not before and only once since when I was seeking to raise money for the two charities for disable kiddies, NEWLIFE and TINY TIMS CHILDREN’S CENTRE. [Paid up yet Blog???] If you remember, it was when I started to be your friend Blog, by trudging in the London Marathon. Anyway, I blew it. WHY? Firstly; when I told them that I was not too impressed by Capt. Barclay as I had already done three quarters of his feat with no real problem. Secondly; I didn’t think much of the quality of service his bank gave its customers. Thirdly; at the start of the screening process, I was told that everyone applying to be a latter-day Barclay, had to volunteer to do a bleep test to help a research project being carried out by some student who I believe had some connection to the who project; we could stop at any time during the test if we wanted. No pressure there then. I duly started with half a dozen others, we being the last group to go to and fro in the gym. It was not long before I was the last one standing or rather, still running up and down the gym. As I had seen the others perform I knew that my bleeping was the best bleep of the morning. So I thought ‘sod this for a troop of monkeys’ and stopped, pointless to continue if I was the best there? Gissa medal. The organisers did not seem best pleased as I had the impression that I could have provided a significant result for the research if I had continued!!! Anyway I didn’t make the cut. No surprise there then. Oh well. For my own edification, during my Barclay re-enactment I compared how I coped on an hour by hour basis with how Captain Barclay managed. Most interesting. The comparison of mile times was enlightening too, given that I was trudging while he was walking. The differences were stark. Presumably my modern diet and my extra rest time contributed significantly to how much better I reacted to the stress than he did. I subsequently researched how often the 1000miles in 1000 hours had been attempted. Surprisingly often. So I researched how many miles had been done in an each hour for a thousand hours. The results were stunning. Most feats were achieved by Australians. Look up the results Blog, they do make interesting reading ... enough to make Capt. Barclay swim the channel with his mate Webb or something. Fancy giving it a go Blog, if ever a similar event were organised?? I am up for it!

I am off now for a quick nap before I go for a trudge up the University of Warwick playing fields.

                                   Colin