Dearest Blog,
I am impressed for your concern about my ribs. Your anxiety about my condition is indeed touching. You shouldn’t have gone to the expense of sending me those flowers by Interflora. Still. I have no doubt that the white plastic lilies should last until I am fully recovered. I do have a worry about my plight however. Next Sunday is the monthly Centurions 2 kilometre Fun Run. Will I be able to cope with the pain?? The discomfort of walking downhill is bad. The impact of each step; ouch, ouch and ouch. So two kilometres of trudging???? OOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCH. My 8 year old granddaughter is accusing me of wimping out of the challenge. She is claiming victory in the series by default. I have told her that the show is not over until the fat lady brings down the final curtain. I am certain that I’ll be there trudging. If not, I have already provided my granddaughter with a doctor’s note but she will not accept it as valid. She says that since that nice Mr Cameroon’s Health Care Reforms have been passed by Parliament, no doctor’s notes are not valid unless printed on the back of a cheque made out to one of the two charities for disabled children that I support, NEWLIFE and TINY TIMS CHILDREN’S CENTRE.
Because my damaged ribs makes sitting on my 1500cc grass motor mower painful, I have solved the problem of keeping the grass short in the orchards, on the lawns, on the tennis court and on the croquet pitch by walking half a dozen sheep up and down. I have borrowed them from one of my tenanted farmers. They are tethered together like a team of huskie dogs; the sheep not the tenanted farmers. They amble to and fro nibbling at the grass with me at the end of the reigns keeping them under firm control. It also means I get ‘the miles in’ trudging up and down. Junk miles I grant you, but miles nevertheless. Yesterday, for example, I did a session of 10 * 300m in an average for the first 9 intervals of 23 minutes 16 seconds with 32 minutes rest between. The 10th and final effort took 47 seconds. Why did I up the pace on the final effort instead of keeping them all ten consistently steady as Gershler advised? Next door’s Rottweiler had broken loose and started to worry the sheep. It also started to worry me. The beast had chewed its way out of its metal cage and snapped its linked chain lead which was attached to its spiked collar. The sheep were not happy because the dog had bitten through its muzzle. I was not happy because the dog had bitten through its muzzle. I barked my shin as I shinned up the bark of the apple tree in one of the orchards. I shinned up the trunk to the lower branches to calm the sheep who looked none too safe as they cowered amongst the leaves on the swaying boughs. Luckily, my neighbour returned early from his cage fight training and was able to use his tranquillizer rifle to subdue his dog. He calls it Runamile because that is what most people do when they see the Rottweiler approaching. His other dog is called Diaorrhea! He also has a wee cat called Tiddles.
The Coventry Council have announced that the local half marathon will go ahead again this year over the same course at an increased entrance fee of £25ish. Why don’t they learn? Will they ever learn?. A crap course with crap organisation with crap reward for the entrants. The upside is that the council will be around again mending the holes in the lane and fences in front of the estate entrance to avoid joggers tripping over in a state of exhaustion … that is assuming anyone enters after last year’s debacle. If you refer to the letter I wrote to you at the time, Blog, the problems are highlighted with lack of marshals etc.. In the local paper last week, it was reported that the problems and delay in last year’s race was due to a dead badger on the course. Blog, I kid you not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A dead badger on the course!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Presumably the marshals didn’t turn up last year because they were frightened of the sight of a dead badger? The missing marshals at the turn were absent because they did not want to catch an infection from the dead badger. The delayed start was because the PSPCA couldn’t find a shovel to remove the rotting carcass???? As a result, all entrants to this year’s race will be issued with a tin of Badger Repellent if they enclose an extra £5 with their entry fee. They organisers promise to use the extra funds raised, to erect Badger fencing for the 2013 half marathon and not put it to increase the profits in their swelling company coffers. Of course, you could enter either the BUPA GREAT NORTH RUN or the GREAT BIRMINGHAM RUN and be assured of a badgerless course. (No Badger Repellent cream needed.) The charity for disable children TINY TIMS CHILDREN’S CENTRE has got Five places for each if you are interested. The only condition for both is that you pay £50 for the place and promise to raise £50 for the charity for disable children TINY TIMS CHILDREN’S CENTRE.
Colin
Fact:- I once shared a lift with Princess Ann. Blog, I kid you not. There wasn’t room in the lift to bow. If she had tried, she would have bumped her head on the side of the lift; so I forgive her.
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