R.I.P.

It is with deep regret that I have to announce that my dear friend, my only friend apart from Blog, passed away last Monday (March 12th) after contracting a virus the previous week. The infection proved untreatable despite the best attentions of the RAC (Replacing Ailing Computers). 

Dear Blog,

         As you can see I have been far too upset to write during the past week. The internment took place at the local council refuse tip on Saturday. I must say that I was surprised that there were so many people there. The turnout was impressive.

Luckily, I am able to write to you again Blog through the good offices of a close friend who has allowed me access to her keyboard … as the art mistress said to the gardener!  Now that really ages me, doesn’t it Blog? Or are you too young to understand? I hope she is goes on to let me glance at my incoming ebygum mail things so I can see if you have been in touch during the last two weeks, Blog!!

So, what is it with me Blog, you ask. What have I managed to do to move the world on one step as Blake might have said. Nick, that is, not William! I see the Olympic Marathon Relay names have been announced today. It is quite understandable that I was not included in the many thousands that were selected despite all the letters I sent to Lord Coe. Cost me a fortune it did. But then, who wants to run just a poxy 300m per leg. Not worth putting my kit on for that. However, I bear no ill will to all those who have been selected, but I do hope the that drought conditions in the South East of England are alleviated at about the same time that the relay is taking place … not only will a continuing torrential downpour fill the reservoirs, but it will keep the relay runners cool while they sweat and strain over the 300m while they carry the Olympic torch along.

I must confess that I am not really into this Olympic lark thing, but I do have an opinion on the final torch bearer who will stagger up the steps to light the flame in the stadium. I know it won’t happen. I know my brilliant idea will be ignored but …. Wouldn’t it be quite something if Lord Coe was selected??? I have to declare a biased interest here as I was always more of an Ovett man myself but …. Coe has done more that anyone to bring the Games to London .. and he did do a bit of running before that. Shall I start one of those twittering things in his support??? How’s about it Blog? Are you with me on this, or are you with me on this?? If we get 250,000 we could introduce a Bill in Parliament. Get signing Blog. Like NOW.

Sos hows the old trudger trudging?

Sunday:- ran into some problems with my knees. Knocked them.

Monday am:- ran round in circles.

                pm:- ran round in ever decreasing circles.

Tuesday am:- in town shopping so I ran up a few bills.

               pm:- had to run really hard just to stand still.

Wednesday am:- went out with Spencer again just to keep on running.

                       pm:- ended up running short of breath.

Thursday am:- in the gym, running on the spot until I ran out of steam.

                 pm:- running too and fro.

Friday:- Tried all the different sessions I could think of but I ran out of options, so I took the day off.

When I trudged on Saturday, I mulled over in my mind a radio programme I had just heard while having my cornies and toast. Isn’t it interesting how some words and phrases that haven’t been heard of for donks, suddenly are all the vogue? Everyone is using them. For example, ‘Elephant in the room’ … every body’s houses now seem to be full of trunks and tusks. It used to be ‘glass ceilings’. ‘Hubris’, not heard of for centuries and now every clever dick on the radio is being a smartarse. ‘In the van’ …. Now there is a phrase. A story. Are you sitting comfortably, Blog? Then I will begin. I was absent for the first three weeks of term when we started to be taught Latin at school as I was very ill with Asian flu. When I started to attend school again, the Latin teacher went on and on and on about some invasion of some city by some army somewhere, their leader being ‘in the van’. ‘In the van’. My mum and dad worked in a mill, not a garage; what was he on about? ‘In the van’. Or at least that is what he told the class the translation meant. He could have told me it meant ‘on the buses’ for all the sense I could make from his gibberings. Hang on a minute mate, somebody in a van? The internal combustion engine wasn’t around when Caesar was amoing and amassing. And as a matter of fact, I was totally non comprehensive!!! But that confusion faded into insignificance when I had to teach myself the rudiments of Latin to catch up with the rest of the class.

Now Blog, I kid you not ….. Did you see in the news reports at the beginning of the week, that the Advertising Authority had made Red Bull pull their TV advert which depicted Jesus walking on water following complaints from the public? At the end of the week, the news agencies announced that the man who had invented the Red Bull drink had died! Blog, I kid you not. Co-incidence or co-incidence? Perhaps the Big Boss in the Sky had called him up to explain why he had been so irreverent as to use the image of Christ in such a way?

 I have to finish now Blog as my porridge oats are getting cold and then it is trudging time so I am going outside and I may be some time. Boy, am I clever Blog, or am I clever Blog??

                                         Colin

P.S.  Some marathon tips coming up next letter, if I can get my self sorted and I can get on one of these keyboard thingie  s without upsetting too many people.