Nike waffle shoes

Dear Blog,

                It has been the annual Midland Road Relays yesterday at Sutton Park. Some interesting observations can wait until my next message to you Blog, because I know you are desperate to know how my first trudging session went since my unfortunate track meeting. 5 miles Blog. 5 miles, no very fast, nay slow even. But 5 miles. 5 miles and I did not stop; Blog I kid you not. 5 miles. I know you must be desperate to know how my ribs coped with my first trudging session since my unfortunate track meeting; the pain is bad but the sticky feeling and suckie sound is worse as I trudge. Mental note; try 6 miles tomorriow. However the big question you have been waiting for Blog, is

‘Would You Like to be a Nanomillionaire?’

     For 1 nano:- Identify the castle. Is it

 A) a Sandy Castle B) Lumley Castle C) a Castle in the sky D) Roy Castle E) none of these

For 10 nanos:- What role did this castle play in the life of the Pink Panther University?

 A) it staged an annual cross country relay B) it staged an annual cross country relay C) it staged an annual cross country relay D) it staged an annual cross country relay E) it is all of these

For 50 nanos:- How many legs did this relay consist of? Was it

A) 1 leg B) 3 legs C) all of them D) a peg leg, a dead leg and a leg of lamb E)  none of these

For 100 nanos:- What annual relay race was held in the grounds of said castle? Was it

A) the London to Brighton relay B) 4 * 100m relay C) the Olympic torch relay D) a continuous relay E) none of these

For 500 nanos:- Why did I run a poor time on three consecutive years at this castle?

A)My watch was slow B) I was late for the change-over C) I got lost D) I had just fallen out with my girlfriend and she was doing the time keeping E) none of these

For 1000 nanos:- What changed in my post graduate year at the Pink Panther University to enable me to run a fast time?

A) my watch was fast B) I got to the start on time C) I found my way round D) I was the timekeeper E) is it none of these

For 5000 nanos:- Why was I keen to run more than one leg, one year? Was it because

A) my team was one man short B) my team was losing 3 – nil and I went on as super sub C) we only had two men in the boat at the time D) I wanted to run away with it E) none of these

For 10,000 nanos:- In the year I was keen to run on more than one leg, how many legs did I run?

A) 1 leg because I hopped round  B) 3 legs because I was running for the Isle of Man Team C) the hind legs of a donkey because I had run away to join the circus D)  None because I had been out the night before the race and I was legless E) none of these

For 50,000 nanos:- Why was I disqualified one year from this relay? Was it because  

A) I dropped the baton B) I upset the race referee C) the race referee upset me D) I am lying, I was never disqualified E) none of these

For 100,000 nanos :- Why did I run one year with 27 stitches holding part of my body together?

A) Because I couldn’t stop laughing B) I had just taken up needlework and was practicing a running stitch C) it saved three of them D) I cut myself shaving E) none of these

For 500,000 nanos :- Which part of my body was held together by 27 stitches?

A) my broken heart B) my inflated ego C) my other half D) my personality E) none of these

And you may now ring a friend if you have one Blog.

For 1,000,000 nanos:- How do you think I ran in the relays?

A) I ran round B) I ran round in circles C) I ran round in ever decreasing circles D) I ended up running down the plug hole E) none of these

Answers.

 If you got all the questions wrong, you are not alone Blog. You have friends around the UK, in the USA, Canada, Uganda, Latvia, Mexico, Ireland, Russia, China, Singapore, and the Philippines, some in Sweden, Tunisia, Czech Republic, Colombia, Norway, Denmark, Belarus, Egypt, Switzerland, Australia, a couple in New Zealand, dozens in Austria, not to mention Germany, France, Greece and Spain. Israel, Turkey, the Arab Emirates, India, Brazil, Chile, South Africa, Botswana, Zimbabwe, Slovenia, Jordan, Netherlands, Bulgaria, Malaysia, Japan. Plus those friends who are here today and gone tomorrow.

If you got all the answers correct, your name is Colin Kirkham and you just as brilliant as I have always suspected.

                                                    Colin

Fact:- when I first received kit and shoes from Nike, I suggested to them that their waffle design was wrong. The concept was flawed. This was in their early years of sponsorship. The waffle was just that, an overall waffle for start of the toe to the end of the heel; a regular pattern with no variation. I pointed out that the underneath of the heel had no support, causing excessive wear and therefore producing a resulting injury to the hamstring. Another athlete sponsored at the same time, thought I was committing hare care, biting the hand that was feeding me. However, I soon noticed that the new models included a denser pattern of waffles at the heel and then, a couple of months later, it included a dense heel plug!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Coincidence or not Blog???? Years later, the athlete who thought I was ill advised to criticise Nike, admitted to me that my mechanical argument was faultless. He was a structural engineer and agreed with my assessment of the shoe’s problem; he didn’t like to say so at the time as he was afraid his sponsorship deal would be pulled. Thanks matieboy.

What I didn’t tell Nike was that as soon as I receive the waffle racers, I stripped the waffles off using a Stanley knife and used them as flat smooth soled racers. For nowt, they were OK!!!!!!!!!