Tips for a happy marriage.

Dear Blog,

    During the course of my sojourn in the Peak National Park last week, it was my wife’s 42^nd wedding anniversary. And it was no coincidence that it was my 42^nd wedding anniversary as well. They say that things come along in twos, don’t they? Well I thought I would treat her. We stayed about half a mile away from the small Derbyshire village of Edale where there is a single shop, a pub and a small hotel. She had been cooking all week, cooped up in the camper van, so I asked her as an anniversary treat if she would like to eat out for a change. You should have seen the look of sheer delight on her face. The smile shone through her wrinkles. Heart tugging to see, it was. I gave her a little peck on the cheek and said I was popping into the village to arrange the meal out. Luckily the village shop was still open so I was able to purchase a portable bar-b-q for £2 and a packet of sausages. She was so taken aback when I arrived back at the van with my anniversary gifts. I must say that it was a little chilly sat outside the van while the sausages sizzled away in the pan, but I promised a meal out, and being a man of my word, I stuck out the discomfort by wearing a couple of jumpers, my thick jacket, my scarf and long johns under my trousers. Eating the sausage sandwich with my gloves on was not easy. No one else on the site seemed to want to enjoy the fresh air.

  Next day, as we trudged through the village to climb up onto the Dark Peak plateau for our walk, we passed the village church where they were having a car boot sale to raise funds for the repair of the church roof. I suggested to my good wife of 42 years and one day that we pop in and have a look round. She had been dropping hints for some weeks that she would like something for the garden by way of a 42^nd wedding anniversary present. Now I am not an ungenerous man and had been giving a great deal of thought about what I could buy her; something which would last, something which would remind her of our time, our long time, our long, long time together. And there it was. On the second stall. The ideal present. THE anniversary present for my dear wife. I had to haggle with the stall holder for some time but eventually I got the price down to what I though was a reasonable price, not that I would have skimped. It was an anniversary present when all was said and done. He had wanted £1:50 but we finally settled on £1:00. A lawn mower. A hand push grass mower. I said to my wife that I would allow her to use some of my machine oil to lubricate the wheels as they appeared to be rather stiff and dragged when you tried to push the machine along. And I said I would show her how to use my metal file to sharpen the blades. As reassurance, I said that it should only take an hour or so to do all the rotary blades if she worked fairly hard at the task.

  Now Blog, did you spot my mistake in buying the mower for a bargain price of £1:00. Yes, well done. As I said, it was the start of our climb up onto the Dark Peak plateau for our walk. I think it is fair comment to say that she really did struggle on some of the steeper sections during our eleven miles trudge. If I had had the machine oil with me and could have lubricated the mower before we set off, it would have been a great deal easier for my wife. But then, I cannot anticipate everything. After a couple of miles over the heathland and heather, I did suggest to my dear wife that she might find it a little easier if she dragged the mower behind her rather than pushing it along. I think she whimpered a little note of thanks for the advice.

    To look on the bright side. Although I thought it unfortunate at the time of purchase, the mower didn’t have a grass box, but as I said to my dear wife, raking the grass clippings up every time she cut the lawn would be excellent exercise at her age. As we climbed up to Kinder Scout, I had a little joke with her to cheer her up; it was the day after our anniversary after all. I said that it was funny how things turn out some times, how a dark cloud can have a silver lining. I said that if the mower had had a grass box, she would have had to continually to stop to empty it as the cotton grass and heather was rather thick in places. She sort of whimpered. Just then it started to rain.

                     Colin

P.S. I have been thinking about what I said yesterday concerning the Coventry Half Marathon and the press release from the Council … if the council claim that it costs £50,000 to put the marathon on, and the income from the entrants, at say £25 a throw, this gives another £50,000 and raises the question => Does that mean that the council flash out £100,000 to promote the race or to do the sums a different way, does it cost Nowt with a capital ‘N’ to promote the race?? It would be interested to see some figures. Oh look up Blog, a flying pig.