FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

Photograph Quiz: (no questions but plenty of answers)

Photo no. 116:- This is the Lane near the estate gatehouse, not the River Sherbourne!!

Photo no 117:- This is one of the estate’s old retainers well past his best, but he has served the family well so we rent out one of the sheds quite cheaply to him.

Photo no. 118:- This shows the shed where the old retainer is kept tethered at night so he doesn’t wander off frightening the animals.

Dear Blog,

  When you see Noah ask him what I have done upset him again … a couple of days rain downpour and the estate is flooded [again, again, again], the drive is under water and the country lane which runs passed the estate is flooded  …. And what do we get? A public service announcement on the BBC local radio service asking anyone with a 4 by 4 in Coventry to pop up to Colin’s place as quickly as possible and enjoy themselves by driving up and down the lane in their gas guzzlers creating waves which sweep down the lane, up my drive and flow into the lake which was once my kitchen garden. No cost. Gratis. Do join the queue of vehicles. See who can make the biggest splash. A prize for any tsunami crated.

Question:- Does any other trudger from around the world, set off for a trudge carrying socks and shoes with his tracksters rolled up to the kneew. Does any other trudger from around the world wade for half a mile in the freezing filthy cold water to a neighbour’s house who does not have a flooding problem? Does any other trudger from around the world then change his wet socks and shoes into the dry socks and shoes? Does any other trudger from around the world then roll his tracksters down from above the knees and go for a trudge? Does any other trudger from around the world return to said neighbour after 45 minutes and reverse the process detailed in the previous five sentences??

Observation:- the cess pits belonging to the cottages and farms further up the lane are flooded and the contents have seeped into the flood water flowing down the Lane!!! Can I sue??? Absturd??

Observation:- the council spent upwards of £1.8m about a dozen years ago, digging up the Lane and laying new drainage pipes with a diameter of about a metre. So that was ratepayers money well spent? Has this made any difference to the flooding situation that existed before the new drains were laid?  Has it cobblers. Can I sue?

Observation:- all the good stuff spread on the garden and fields on my estate by the workers, has been washed down to Gloucester. Can I sue the Seven Trent Water Authority? Or the Gloucester council? Can I have my muck back please? Do the turds flowing down the lane up my drive and into my kitchen garden  from the flooded cess pits from the cottages and farms further up the lane counter balance my loss?

Observation:- On renewal of my insurance household policy two months ago, an excess of £2500 was imposed, not so that the policy became cheaper; oh no, it is because the Government’s Environment Agency has drawn up some maps denoting areas liable to flood. Can I sue that nice Mr Cameroon then?  After all it is his government? Or should I sue his friend Ossie Osbourne at the Treasury because all this flooding is costing me a fortune? Or perhaps Trees in May at the Home Office; perhaps it is her whom I should sue as my home is in danger of flooding …and as my house needs defending perhaps legal action is required against Mr Rob A Thon, the defence minister? Or Mr Willie at the Skills department ‘cos the council haven’t been very skilful about solving and / or preventing the flooding problem  …Hold it a second …  a lorry load of workmen with luminous jackets has just driven passed the gatehouse to sort out the flooding problem, clear the grates and rescue me. Sorry, sorry, sorry …. They are putting out flood warning signs – Blog I kid you not … and one of them is now wading down the lane trying to retrieve a sign which has just floated downstream / down lane. Blog would I lie to you?? I shall definitely have a word with old Smithie at the Dept. of Pensions because my pension for a couple of months will be spent on flood clearance So to get Justice in all this business I will need codfish Grayling on board to fight my corner as well as Baroness Watsit, Local government being her business!! Jeremy Hunt will do the Health bit for me with all these flooded cess pits flowing down pass my front gate, up my drive and into the kitchen garden as well as the stable block spreading disease and pestilence over the world ….oh dear, and so it goes on … and on ….. and on ….

So Blog, it’s a pair of wellies and a canoe for Christmas please.

Must finish now, time for a swim … thinks “must remember to keep in my lane”.

                                                                    Colin