Christmas comes but once a year.

Well now Blog,

                        I suppose you are like the rest of the lemmings, chasing your own tail with this Christmas business. You have bought all your presents? Personally I desist! I refuse to kowtow to the vested interests of the commercial world. I do NOT shop; so you ask, how do I get the presents for my nearest and dearest? Well this year I have adopted a new strategy …. Believe you me Blog this will blow your mind. It is a little late for you or your mates to copy my technique this year, but next year everyone will be at it. And don’t forget Blog, you heard it first from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So you are desperate to know what this revolutionary answer to the annual drag of buying present actually is. To those to whom you wish to give a Christmas treat you  allowed to choose a number, any number, between 1 and 1764 inclusive. Only one number allowed to each person, changing number is not permitted. When your Christmas list is complete, each name will have its own chosen number. Then you sit yourself down with a couple of pints of your favourite wine and set to work. First you will need an ‘Argos’ catalogue. The number your relation has chosen is the page in the ‘Argos’ catalogue you turn to. On that page, you select the very cheapest item and HEYPRESTO, the present problem is solved. The cheapest item on the page is the Christmas present for the person who selected that page number. And the clever bit, Blog, is that you cannot be blame for the present as you simply point out to that ungrateful relative that the present was personally selected by them. And if those ungrateful relatives don’t believe you, you simply show them their personal page!!! SIMPLE!!!

Here are the presents for my relatives which they selected.

Granddaughter Age 9: Page chosen 1030-cheapest item Sofa and chair: cost £399.99

Grandson Age 7: Page chosen 445-cheapest item electric hedge trimmer: cost £24.99

Daughter One: Page chosen 1745-cheapest item ‘Argos’ credit card: cost £0.

Daughter Two: She refused to pick a page as she said something about my marbles. So her present won’t cost me very much.

Son-in-law: Page chosen 238-cheapest item Styling tongs: cost £3.79. You have to laugh … there is more hair on a billiard ball the on my son-in-law’s head!!!

Wife: Page chosen 1749-cheapest item Delivery charges: cost £45 as the item cost less than £300; it cost nothing as there was no item for sale on that page. But, if you look on the bright side, I have 30 days to send her back if I am not satisfied.

If you don’t believe me Blog, check it out for yourself! Blog, would I lie to you????

Next Christmas I think I will use the ‘Wicks’ Catalogue. Then I won’t have to ask anyone to do my Christmas shopping for presents, I can do it myself.

Being raise in God’s Own County, I am too careful to send out Christmas cards. However I have to confess to you Blog that I have asked a dear friend to send a greetings missive on my behalf by means of their e-mail to my very many acquaintances around the world. It is in the format of a PowerPoint. I would send one to you Blog but I cannot figure out how to do it. Any suggestions???

 Next time I will tell you about my best Christmas if I can remember. That is, if I can remember to do it, not if I can remember what my best Christmas was because I can remember that, otherwise I would not have said that ‘next time I will tell you about my best Christmas’. Or something.

                                             Colin

P.S. Knee O.K.